Though myself never done drugs, once I got into high school, it was always around me! Television and music made it look so cool. I use to watch that 70s show religiously. It made drugs look so cool but in the end none of them went to college and somehow became remotely successful! What kind of life story is that? Drugs aren't cool and being drunk isn't cool either.
I once a knew a girl in my school who was addicted to drugs. She was a really smart person but she was REALLY annoying. I could tell she was being bullied. She had sex to be able to get her hands on the drugs. Through psychology it seemed that she was getting better. Until she was dropped out of regular school and sent to a school full of "problematic" kids. Somewhere down the line she dropped out and opted to get her GED in another program. With that program she didn't have to be in school everyday. She instead went to the city to fulfill a career as a prostitute. Now as prostitute she didn't even get to touch any of her money. Her pimp took care of EVERYTHING. So now she got off of drugs and everything but she still living a reckless lifestyle. What really prompted me to reflect on myself was what happen when she came back to the school for a visit. She took me to the side to talk about where our lives been for the past year. I told her, I was recovering from alcoholism and she told me she was recovering from drugs. Then she said "We are more alike then you think we are. Even though we've had our difference I think we can become closer now. Why don't come and work with me? You're obviously wasting your time in school"
I was stunned and refused. No matter how much money her career was making, I could never go down that road. But her words seem to strike in a cruel manner, did I sink so low? It's true many things happen to us to lead us down these similar pasts. I don't know the specifics on her side but I do know mine. When I was younger, my then 19 year old, sister cracked under our parent's pressure and dropped out of college. She moved out and never enter our house again for the last 7 years. Now she lives in the south---> I haven't seen her for 4 years. Communication between us has became very brittle. But I kept my head strong and kept moving with my life. Then my best friend, who had long ago moved away but we kept very close. We were penpals and the day she came back to visit, she died in a car accident. From then on, I went very very emo. Despite my attraction to all thing dark, I still hadn't completely lost myself. I had joined marching band, which kept me busy all the time. I began eating more to fill in voids of silence. Everything that could keep these little things from haunting my life.
What really broke me..... was having my heart broken, twice, just after entering high school. The first bf only dated me because he pitied me and the second didn't even formally broke up with me. He just got a new girlfriend. Amazing how *love* can break the strongest of people right? I began sneaking my parents liquor, and to some amazing extent, despite being such tiny drops, it made me forget what was hurting me so much. Soon I got a job, working at Mcdonalds. The money went to gambling. At these gambling parties, liquor was always being served. I never did drink too much and I thought as long as I could get these people drunk, I was scoring a lot of people. I was very careful because most of the time I was in a room with probably one other girl and 5-10 male gang members. It was risky, always. There was times, I owed money and I would in turn be chased for it.
One day, I wasn't careful. I became really drunk and I owed a LOT of money. I didn't know how I was escaped this situation without injuries. I went to the bathroom and called my then-bf to get me out of this. He used all his savings to pay off my debt and dragged me out of the place. After I got out safe, he slapped me and broke up with me. He said this wasn't the girl he was dating (there is more to this story---> but that's for another post)
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It could of destroyed my life. I decided to just not drink at all because alcohol (to me) lead to the gambling (for the free drinks) which could of lead me to jail (underage for both drinking and gambling -__-). The sad thing is teens see themselves as invincible. That no matter what happens, they'll come out alright. But our parent's protection has made our vision hazy. Our parent's protection can only protect to us to a certain extent. For an organize society to function, we have to follow the rules or pay the price of our crimes. I personally don't want to be denied of my freedom. All the same, alcohol and drugs make us lose control of our lives. IT makes us THINK that we are FREE but instead its taking CONTROL of our lives.
If you feel like you have no where to turn; don't go to drugs. Please go find someone to talk to. If you are on drugs or alcohol find someone to help you GET OFF, because eventually your life will be destroyed and everyone who once believed in you will turn against you.
Okay guys since my last two post were all very emo, I'm going to not publish Guide to Life: Heartbreaks for at LEAST a week. I'm going to publish Guide to Life: Camwhore Queen before that. I also have a photo ebook I will be publishing somewhere in between.
With love,
Angel
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