Wednesday, February 20, 2013

Trying to be a black ulzzang

It's hard to be something new in a place that restricts being different. I tried gyaru, but as a single girl in a romantic half of the year (December-February) is a hard thing. False Lashes scare men. So I decided i'll still be me--- just minus the lashes. 

But being a ulzzang has it consequences. If you manage by makeup to look really pretty, you gather around the wrong attention. Sexual harrassment every turner you go. Ewww and it's always by older and ugly people. Sometimes its cute people. I still don't have a boyfriend though, trying to change that. Not really working. Guys these days always want a girl they can bang. Not a girlfriend they could kick back with. I don't want a sexual relationship, I want a meaningful relationship. People don't seem to get that.

But on the plus side you have a new confidence.  You look good, you get attention. A girl wants that. but negatives follow as well. I depend on my circle lenses to look good. I can't believe that I look good without them. Also reflects on my other insecurity, my weight... Lets be honest, we all look better in the mirror. Not on camera. You have to take the confidence in yourself, to think yourself as perfect as you can be and the inperfections are only minor to even take that camera and not photoshop yourself . No filters... nothing. I can't do that. I rely on photowonder and filters to make me look good. 

Circle lenses consume you though and when they do it, it gets dangerous. My puffy 3 tones are so comfortable that I leave them on for hours. Way past the 8 hours that its recommended to be worn for because I know I look good with them on.

Speaking of weight gain, I suck in my stomach always no but I guess this is more than evident that my boobs and stomach took most of the weight. My boobs blossomed to a D-cup but my stomach looks like a beer belly. Or worst....a pregnant woman.  I thinks thats the worst thing in the world. When you confuse someone whose fat to be pregnant woman. What even worst is when that woman is you. 

So to sum up this little story. It's beautiful to be something pretty in photos. To be a doll with all your makeup on. But when the makeup comes off and your not a "ulzzang" anymore you have to accept yourself as you are and make the best of who you truly are. Not the girl in the picture.