A Dream in Paris

                           

 

Call me stupid, silly, underachieving, flunky and unapologetic but all I really wanna do is drop out of college and start leading an exciting life.

 

                                

As I've said before, I was suppose to go to Japan. I was supposed to be smacked dabbed for Tokyo Fashion Week, #100Tokyo, #CoolJapan and be on a week long crazy adventure. 12 hours away, working through my entire spring break, only to take a few hours away to enjoy the pre-bloom of Japanese Cherry Blossoms.

 

                          

 

Welp, if you follow me on Instagram, you obviously know that didn't happen. 4 days before take off, my plans got canceled and hastily re-arranged. I got 2 working efforts that paid off somehow someway. I may not be a famous blogger but hell I know how to get places.

 

                       

One of the locations I went to was Paris, France. I went with lexss than a hundred bucks in pocket, a carry-on full of clothes, a hotel reservation, and a bit of crappy French and Creole.

 

 

                        

 

I can read French fluently but I can't really speak it. I kinda assumed that there would be a big Haitian population concentrated in one area. I found out from a random Haitian-French man on the train that no such things exist and unlike in New York, the Haitian population is spread out and their customs are often churned out. Luckily my creole is somewhat similar to the French of Cote-de-Ivory so I managed to get around only speaking Creole.

 

My mission was to attend a few shows, style-spot what Parisians wear, and overall get inspired by Parisans as a whole. I had only 3 days to make this opportunity into a grand scheme. I took a lot of inspiration from my favorite bloggers who had also made the trip. Primarily Yutaki and Michelle Phan.

                            

 

I had to make the best of what little money I had. No food could cost more than 3 euros and I avoided buying drinks in excess. Most meals costed around 10 euros. I tried to refrain from spending more than 4. Subways, Mcdonalds, and Crepe stands were the wave. Who cares if I missed out on authentic French cuisine, I wasn't on a pleasure trip  anyway.

 

I often had to think twice about eating.

Just note that their porta-potties are way better than ours.

                         

 

I honestly don't know why but I have a tendency to stick out everywhere I go. I got stopped everywhere I went. 

 

                                            

I got photographed several times.



People automatically assumed I was French too, in highly populated tourist areas. I don't know if that was common or not but I could sense a bit of annoyance accompanied by my broken French.

 

 

But one things was for certain, things did change after this trip. For one I can't stand people strolling in the city. Unlike in Manhattan, where people do take their time walking, Parisians walk extremely fast and their bags will hit you if you are in their way. A brief "pardon" and the zoom off. 

 

But more importantly, inspiration was drawn upon. For some reason I didn't find France very romantic like I did for Washington, DC. I found it ambitious and aesthetic. Fashion is different from the states and I was lucky to pack clothes that stood in a bit more. The French are proud in their oxfords, bright scarfs and simple silhouettes. Their silhouettes are flowy and portray a bit of fleeting freedom and yet personify their emotions. I was expecting them to wear a lot more black but instead they wore rustic colors and pastels.

 

And love was a matter of identity. Love was unspoken but can be seen. I saw a lot of different couples. I was in awe at the amount of bi-racial couple I saw and the amount of nannys stringing along a fleet of children. Love was personified in their art. Romance was found in their food. Everything showed the romance of the creation and their creator. 

                           

Still, Paris was not a romantic place  per say. Maybe if I was on a pleasure trip I would be saying something different but I didn't feel it. I felt more artistically inspired.

                   

 

What inspired me the most was the Jardin du Luxemburg. We skipped out on Versailles and took on this free alternative. 

                        

 

In France, spring had only just entered with some temps in the low 60s but Jardin du Luxemburg would make you think we were well into April. Flowers in full bloom everywhere, Kids running and playing meanwhile adults enjoyed their jog or conversation and a picnic. 

      

 

 This was the most romantic place I visited in all honestly. It was pure in unusual ways. It was obviously well taken care of.

                    

Now you must be asking. What will I do with this unkept creativity and what was the final product of my trip to France? Welp, you'll find out soon and I can basically totes that you will love it.

Adieu mes amis. S'il vous plaît aller me suivre sur  instagram, twitter, et tumblr pour mises à jour quotidiennes <3

A Size 8 Model is Plus Size

 

Hello Lovelies, above is a bit of a sneak peek to a project I'm working on :). Lately I've done a few model gigs and I figured why not I really go into it seriously part time. Something to help pay college and learn how to take critism. I've signed on with a local agency and honestly I have a very long way to go before I can become anything. But I love it and it's such a cool experience so far. 

One thing that has been firmly placed as an obstacle however just happens to be my size. I have a gut, big boobs, and wide hips which all contribute to me being in between a Size 8 and Size 10. What I didn't know was it made me a plus size model.

At first I thought wow that's crazy because I mostly fit into mediums and even smalls but I didn't throw any contest to it. It's whatever. What really blew me over was that even in casting calls I often got rejected for being "too small". If I was to go to a straight size casting, I would be told I'm too big. Seriously?? (>__<)

There is no fair playing field in modeling, your either a size 4 or a 14. No one wants to see an Average Annie. 

Okay, cool, cool... maybe I should look at exotic modeling and club promotions. Like Crystal Renay, you know....

You got to have a big boobs, an even bigger butt, and an even flatter stomach. I no longer have a flat stomach, I have a bit of pudge and my ass is not that round. Honestly no type of workout could make me look like that^^. It all only comes down to either working out until I'm a size 6 or getting plastic surgery. Both things I'm not too ecstatic about and even question the possibility. I probably can't even get down to a size 6 because my hips are wide and bony.

Even Alternative Modeling is a tough one. I don't have enough tattoos or piercing for that -___-. Yea maybe I could dress a certain way for certain shoots but any model could do Alternative if it doesn't involve tattoos and piercing.

For now, I'm just keep hitting thy gym whenever there is space on my heavy schedule (I mean 2 jobs, college, and modeling- no biggie right). 

But you know what's really crazy?

 

A campaign like this. One the right is a size 4 model and on the left is a size 8. 

No, fashion is not created equal and it shouldn't be played off as if it is. There is no such thing as one size fits all. Instead of putting a regular size 8 they should  of a size 14 on the cover for some realism.

 I honestly don't vibe to this shoot and I wish they had done it properly.

Well that's all I had to say lovelies. 

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Xiaoyu

Hey guys, I know it's been a while but I've been working full time so I became incredibly busy. I had some posts drafted but none of them was good enough to post.

  I'm working at Mcdonalds. I know, the death of a perfect health. But the little money I made off my blog wasn't supporting a gyaru-blogger lifestyle (not yet). And I need to save up for my trip to Tokyo in 2013.

I was going to do a post on an inside view of how a Mcdonalds actually like and what we actually serve you,  I decided not to because the events about someone getting fired for stepping on lettuce in Burger King, despite what I was going to say was nowhere near as... controversial.


Lately I've been a tumblr-fiend, comic book addict, and an extreme otaku. Despite that I barely post on tumblr, I've been finding some interesting stuff. One was a girl named Constance, a photographer and artist, whose tumblr is suppose to be relaxing and posting sexified ulzzang style photos.

Xiaoyu (Constance)

No doubt she is a bamf but I think there is something inspirational about her for everyone. Maybe she is beautiful, maybe she's not but come on, we all can see that to achieve that amount of perfection, she works for it. 

Constance claims her only work out is using the treadmill. Her body shows that she has abs and is at a high physical shape. That means she is on the treadmill everyday and she probably does a lot of crunches. Her athletic built also shows she might be into non-bulky sports like cheerleading or dance.

Her makeup isn't hard to achieve but obviously look like ulzzang makeup. Her eyebrows are filled in, she has  a non connecting double winged eyeliner (which is more gyaru style, not ulzzang), foundation, and circle lenses. This isn't hard to achieve but it does take TIME, so yea.

Her blog is a bit famous but I don't think she has half the recognition she should. She is a bamf, who wears circle lenses and ulzzang makeup, and she good at it. Not many westerners can achieve that. 

So she inspires my makeup inspiration and fitspo.

Meanwhile Usagiipyon inspires with hairstyles (too bad she doesn't blog anymore)

Aprilfoolromance (Lorina) inspires me with clothes

As well as cheesie (Ringo).

Guide to Life:Alcohol and Drugs

Though myself never done drugs, once I got into high school, it was always around me!  Television and music made it look so cool. I use to watch that 70s show religiously. It made drugs look so cool but in the end none of them went to college and somehow became remotely successful!  What kind of life story is that?  Drugs aren't cool and being drunk isn't cool either.

I once a knew a girl in my school who was addicted to drugs. She was a really smart person but she was REALLY annoying. I could tell she was being bullied. She had sex to be able to get her hands on the drugs. Through psychology it seemed that she was getting better. Until she was dropped out of regular school and sent to a school full of "problematic" kids. Somewhere down the line she dropped out and opted to get her GED in another program. With that program she didn't have to be in school everyday. She instead went to the city to fulfill a career as a prostitute. Now as prostitute she didn't even get to touch any of her money. Her pimp took care of EVERYTHING. So now she got off of drugs and everything but she still living a reckless lifestyle.  What really prompted me to reflect on myself was what happen when she came back to the school for a visit. She took me to the side to talk about where our lives been for the past year. I told her, I was recovering from alcoholism and she told me she was recovering from drugs. Then she said "We are more alike then you think we are. Even though we've had our difference I think we can become closer now. Why don't come and work with me? You're obviously wasting your time in school"

I was stunned and refused. No matter how much money her career was making, I could never go down that road. But her words seem to strike in a cruel manner, did I sink so low? It's true many things happen to us to lead us down these similar pasts. I don't know the specifics on her side but I do know mine. When I was younger, my then 19 year old, sister cracked under our parent's pressure and dropped out of college. She moved out and never enter our house again for the last 7 years.  Now she lives in the south---> I haven't seen her for 4 years. Communication between us has became very brittle. But I kept my head strong and kept moving with my life. Then my best friend, who had long ago moved away but we kept very close. We were penpals and the day she came back to visit, she died in a car accident. From then on, I went very very emo.  Despite my attraction to all thing dark, I still hadn't completely lost myself. I had joined marching band, which kept me busy all the time. I began eating more to fill in voids of silence. Everything that could keep these little things from haunting my life.
What really broke me..... was having my heart broken, twice, just after entering high school. The first bf only dated me because he pitied me and the second didn't even formally broke up with me. He just got a new girlfriend. Amazing how *love* can break the strongest of people right? I began sneaking my parents liquor, and to some amazing extent, despite being such tiny drops, it made me forget what was hurting me so much. Soon I got a job, working at Mcdonalds. The money went to gambling. At these gambling parties, liquor was always being served. I never did drink too much and I thought as long as I could get these people drunk, I was scoring a lot of people. I was very careful because most of the time I was in a room with probably one other girl and 5-10 male gang members. It was risky, always. There was times, I owed money and I would in turn be chased for it.

One day, I wasn't careful. I became really drunk and I owed a LOT of money. I didn't know how I was escaped this situation without injuries. I went to the bathroom and called my then-bf to get me out of this. He used all his savings to pay off my debt and dragged me out of the place. After I got out safe, he slapped me and broke up with me. He said this wasn't the girl he was dating (there is more to this story---> but that's for another post)
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 It could of destroyed my life. I decided to just not drink at all because alcohol (to me) lead to the gambling (for the free drinks) which could of lead me to jail (underage for both drinking and gambling -__-).  The sad thing is teens see themselves as invincible. That no matter what happens, they'll come out alright. But our parent's protection has made our vision hazy. Our parent's protection can only protect to us to a certain extent. For an organize society to function, we have to follow the rules or pay the price of our crimes. I personally don't want to be denied of my freedom.  All the same, alcohol and drugs make us lose control of our lives. IT makes us THINK that we are FREE but instead its taking CONTROL of our lives.

If you feel like you have no where to turn; don't go to drugs. Please go find someone to talk to. If you are on drugs or alcohol find someone to help you GET OFF, because eventually your life will be destroyed and everyone who once believed in you will turn against you.


Okay guys since my last two post were all very emo, I'm going to not publish Guide to Life: Heartbreaks for at LEAST a week. I'm going to publish Guide to Life: Camwhore Queen before that. I also have a photo ebook I will be publishing somewhere in between.

With love,
Angel

Guide to Life: Fighting Bullying

I decided, instead of writing another super vain post, I needed to talk about more important subjects. But I warn you, I give sucky advice. Back in 2010, I remember that I was stuck in a hotel room with a few girls (having truth or dare) during a school trip. The most rememberable line from that trip is "I've been there I've done that." Back then, I was fighting to find a sense of *me*. I lost all direction. I suffered from bullying, alcoholism, gambling, and heartbreaks. I never told anyone about this (well not to the full extent) but the word HAS to get out. I know that one of these days someone is going to warp everything I said here and paint into bad light. That's life. I will eventually have a sting of regret. But OH WELL, NO GOING BACK!

This first part is going to be about bullying and how to fight it.


I really don't remember a time, when I WASN'T bullied. It started when I was very young and still exists in my life. Two or three months ago, I even fell back into an emo phase but lucky I have friends to always pick me up...
 No one deserves to be bullied. It hurts and makes you feel less then human. I known the feeling for almost my entire life. I have a lisp. I didn't take much care to speech therapy when I was younger and I can only speak normally when I really think about each word I say. But that is SO DAMN ANNOYING to do. It gives people the first impression that I'm retarded. But hello? All honors student! I would have been all APs if it wasn't for my stupid guidance counselors! But that is not what people think. So if you have a lisp like me, make sure you always use big words so people don't think your retarded. Kids, you know can be the harshest little things in the world. No matter how much smarter was then them, I was still retarded, annoying, and ugly.

I mean wasn't the most cutest little girl but I was much much cuter then most of those assholes.

By the time middle school came I decided to get revenge on all these bullies. I beat the shit out of anyone who laid a hand on me and then I would cry my way out of trouble. I learned, as a girl, that crying got the douche bags in trouble.  That was a temporary fix. As people got older, bullying got less (because Columbine massacre was waying on everyone's mind).

But verbal bullying is always there. The easiest way I found to fight back, was become crafty with insults. "Suck my big left toe or going cry to your effing mommy. I don't give two shits about the crap that comes out your mouth." Rolls off with insults in creole lolol!

But don't go about it the way I do. It's true the bullying has stopped because people know better then mess with me but my method doesn't work with everyone.

How to Fight Bullies

1. Speak up. Bullies target the weak. When you speak up, they know they can't challenege you!
2. Do psychology on them. Make them feel so bad about themselves that they stop. I once told a bully that. "Now you what's the point of bothering me? Is your pimples so large that you must bother me?" That shut him up.... and made him very self-conscious lololol.
3. Tell someone! If you can't deal with it by yourself then talk to someone who can help you. 
4. Don't let them get to you! The biggest reasons bullies decide to pick on me was because I didn't have a strong resolve. I let them get to me. If I used my head more during middle school, I would probably been the most popular kid in the world.
5. Always stick with your friends. Your friends will always be your biggest advocates. And if you don't have friends, maybe you need re-evaluate yourself. Why is it, you don't have friends? Is it something you are doing or something you can't help. 

 If you see someone being bullied, DON'T JUST STAND THERE!

 I hope my advice help someone! Next time I'll talk about alcoholism and heartbreaks! 

Jelly Magazine November 2011 *pic heavy*

I finally added back the followers bar since I never did design a facebook thingy so dismally, I only have 5 followers -__-" . I'm still quite busy, so I'm rolling out another magazine for you guys to read to cover for the time in between posts. I actually have a lot of cool things to post about but of course time is never on my side :( So I hope you guys enjoy the magazine.

Update Post

Lately I have been so uninspired and so busy that haven't been posting often anymore. And I'm backlogged in photos all the way back to august *sadface*  This week however I will try to roll out a lot of things. Soon  my  MB photos, fashion photos, and etc will be rolling out in the next two weeks. I can almost promise that. I might even roll out a new layout. I'm trying to get my blog stuff done by monday since that is my only semi-free day lol. And hopefully I can find all my pieces for outfits of the day for some sort of series like that... If I don't forget them all in my dryer  Lol.
Have you any you guys been on gyaru secrets lately. I have been so scared of posting pictures of myself so it wouldn't be used against me in gal secrets but I realized something important. That before evil people like that existed, gyaru was a free formed style that  only became strict because unpopular people wanted the style be uniquely their own. So I'm not going to call myself "gyaru" I'm going to call myself "me" because my fashion and style is influenced by gyaru but I am not one of those arrogant tyrant crazy so-called "style experts" and I hope that other people follow in that same pursuit.